Primarily Crap

Kyla had her first ice-skating lesson last night. This was Penny’s idea as I am not an ice skater.

It was the first time I had been inside a skating rink since I was a kid. As we walked in, I was struck immediately by the atmosphere; the smell, the sites, the sounds, etc. Childhood memories came flooding back instantly. Memories that I realized I’m not very fond of and have probably never even thought about until last night.

As I mentioned, I’m not a skater. I never have been. I sucked at it and I hated it. I did it because all the other kids were doing it. Usually a couple of parents would load us all into a car or two and haul us down to the local rink for the afternoon.

No matter how much I tried I just couldn’t get the hang of it and really didn’t want to anyway. The only thing I liked about it was when it was finally over and we all took off our skates and got the hell outta there, usually going to McDonald’s or someplace like that.

The strange thing is, I didn’t actually realize at the time how much I hated it. It wasn’t until last night when I walked into that rink and it hit me in the face like a Russell Crowe hurled hotel phone. Right away I thought, wow, I really don’t fucking like ice-skating, and those times at the rink as a kid were some of the most miserable times of my life.

Needless to say, I won’t be getting on the ice with Kyla. That’ll be Penny’s thing. My thing is the bike, and I decided last night that my goal for this spring/summer is to get her going on the 2-wheeler and then the bike riding will be our thing.

This article is copied from Boston.com:

Miffed wife reportedly snips hubby’s penis

January 23, 2006

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia –A Cambodian man received 25 stitches to his penis after his wife attempted to sever the organ with scissors after a domestic dispute, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

Khay Kaing, 40, returned home early Saturday after a night of drinking and karaoke with friends in Kampong Cham province, 50 miles northeast of the capital Phnom Penh, the Koh Santepheap, or Island of Peace, newspaper reported.

An argument ensued and he allegedly slapped his wife. As the man got into bed his wife came at him with the scissors and attempted to cut off his penis, the newspaper reported, not detailing whether she succeeded.

Kang Sakhan, the provincial police chief, confirmed the incident but did not provide details.

The newspaper said after being attacked, the man walked some 1,640 feet to a relative’s home to seek help and was later taken to a village doctor who administered the sutures.

Okay, so there’s the story, now here’s what I don’t get. This woman obviously did not think this through very well. In the Bobbitt case, I can understand why Lorena did it. The guy wasn’t satisfying her, and she was pretty much done with him anyway, so since she’s probably going to leave him, she might as well punish him by chopping off his wanker on the way out, that’ll teach him for being selfish and not giving her an orgasm. Makes perfect sense to me.

But this case seems different. We don’t have all the details so I could be wrong, but it looks to me as though this may have just been a lover’s spat. The woman is a little ticked off that the guy was out too late with his friends, they get into an argument and he slaps her. Now I’m not condoning slapping the woman, but if I’m right and this is just a minor quarrel and she’s planning on sticking with him, isn’t she just punishing herself?

As we celebrate the life of a great man today, I find myself pondering this question: Does the fact that I despise bigots actually make me a bigot?

I’m not a big celebrity follower, I don’t even know who many of them are, but if you watch the news enough you can’t avoid knowing about some of them. So here are some thoughts on a couple of celebrity couples, or in this case, a couple and a threesome.

Sheryl Crowe is known for being in incredible shape and working out religiously to stay that way. Lance Armstrong is a 7-time Tour de France winner. When those 2 get it on, it must go on forever.

I don’t blame Brad Pitt for doing what he did. The way I see it, if you have the chance to marry Jennifer Anniston, you take it. If you have the chance to “do it” with Angelina Jolie, you have to go for that too. It’s just unfortunate for him that it happened in the wrong order.

So, this morning a few minutes before I was leaving for work, I took my glasses off to wipe my eyes. I put them down, and then somehow, never picked them up and put them back on.

During my drive to work (all 7 minutes of it) I felt like something wasn’t right, but couldn’t figure out what it was. I get into my office, turn on the TV, turn on the computer, and sit down at my desk. Suddenly it hits me, I can’t fucking see!

Now I understand why the ride to work didn’t quite feel right. I understand why I almost hit that guy who was stepping out in front of me as I was getting ready to pull out of a side street.

There was no way I was going to get through the day without them so I had to get back in my van and drive back home to get them. Fortunately I made it all the way back without anyone getting hurt.

When the hell did my life become a series of sign ons and passwords? I don’t think I go more than a day without having to put in a password somewhere.

Although I try to keep them all the same, it’s not always possible. Here at work I have 4 different apps I use that each require the password to be changed every 90 days. And even with that, I try to keep them the same and just change a number at the end, but some have to have at least one capital, some cannot have the same password repeated within a 12 month period, some need to have a minimum of 6 characters, some 8, etc. I just opened my draw to look at my little sticky to see what my current password is for one of those apps. Without that, I’d be lost.

And that’s just work related. I have no idea how many web sites I need to log onto with a sign on and password. Fortunately with most of those, I stay automatically signed on most of the time, plus for the most part, I’m usually able to use the same sign on and password. How many times did I use the word “most” in the previous sentence?

Anyway, even with these sites, if someone already has the sign on I use, I have to switch to another one, and occasionally I come across one that will not accept the standard password I always try to use and I have to use a variation.

I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve had to have either my sign on, password, or both emailed to me so I could sign on to something. Most of those I don’t have written down anywhere, but I suppose I should probably start.

Oh yeah, and then there are PIN’s. The PIN for my ATM, the PIN for my gas card at work, the PIN to access my 401k account, etc. How is it that my head hasn’t exploded yet?

I can’t even memorize Penny’s cell phone number or the password to access my voicemail at home, so how the hell does anyone expect me to memorize all of this other stuff? Ironically though, I can still tell you the phone numbers of all of my friends when we were growing up, I just can’t memorize any of their new ones.

I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that I have them all programmed into my cell phone so I don’t need to memorize them. I’m a victim of technology. Really, what I am is just a simple man trying to make my way in a complicated world.

Can someone please hold my hand?

Well, here’s the first entry of the new blog.

When I first heard this last night I was not looking at or paying much attention to the TV. All I heard were the words “Sharon” and “stroke”. At first I thought they were talking about former “Extreme” and “Van Halen” frontman Gary Cherone. That would have made for a much different morning today.

Instead of Israeli’s mourning and Palestinians celebrating, it would have been “Extreme” fans mourning and “Van Halen” fans celebrating.