Primarily Crap

There are some things in this world (actually a lot of things) that I will just never understand. This is one of them.

Police approached a man on Boston Common whom they suspected was wanted on a warrant. What does the guy do? He runs of course; which means one of two things- he’s either a criminal or a dumbass, or in most cases, both. Remember, although all dumbasses are not necessarily criminals, all criminals are dumbasses.

There are not enough details in this article for us to know whether or not he was just a dumbass or a dumbass criminal, but we do know that he is even more of a dumbass than your normal dumbass, or dumbass criminal. How do we know this? Because not only does the dumbass run from the police, but during the pursuit he pulls out a replica of a gun. Of course, the police don’t know that it’s a replica, so they do the only thing they can do, they shoot the dumbass. Fortunately for the dumbass, he was only shot in the shoulder and he’s going to be okay.

This dumbass may or may not be the dumbass that the police suspected was wanted on a warrant, but the fact that he was carrying a gun replica and decided to run away from police officers who tried to question him tells me that he must have been a criminal. And the fact that the dumbass decided to pull the gun replica out of concealment while he was being pursued by police tells me that he is one of the biggest dumbasses this world has ever seen. And now that it has been proven by scientists, there is probably a pretty good chance that the dumbass was brought up in a house that contained lead paint.

I can’t wait to find out what the hell this dumbass was thinking. Oh and you just know that we are going to be hearing from all of the dumbass family and friends of the dumbass who are going to be claiming that the police had no right to shoot the dumbass.

BTW, in case you are wondering, including the title of the blog entry and the inclusion of it in this sentence, the word “dumbass”, or a variation thereof, appears in this entry 22 times.

According to this article, “lead exposure during childhood is associated with brain shrinkage and violent criminal behaviour, research has shown.”

And here is the next line from that article:

Scientists based the conclusion on two US studies of families from a poor area of Cincinnati where many houses were old and contaminated with lead.

Later in the article it is noted that the findings “implicate early exposure to lead as a risk factor for behaviours leading to criminal arrest.”

And finally it is noted that, “although environmental lead levels and crime rates had dropped in the last 30 years, inner city children remained vulnerable to lead exposure.”

So as I try to wrap my brain around this study, let me see if I have it straight. Basically these scientists have determined that kids growing up in poor sections of the inner city have a higher chance of becoming criminals and they’re blaming it on the lead in their old dilapidated houses?

Does anybody else think that they are missing something there?

I’ve come across another baffling line, this time from an all-time classic-

Humpty Dumpty

Here’s the breakdown:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Okay, I’m with you so far, although it’s not actually stated in the rhyme, somehow we all know that Humpty Dumpty is an egg. I never really knew how we knew this but according to the Wiki entry, the rhyme was originally a riddle and the answer was an egg.

So, we have an egg sitting on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Still with you, the egg fell off the wall.

All the kings horses and all the kings men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

The implication seems to be that the egg was shattered from the fall and the damage was irreparable. All the kings men couldn’t put the egg back together, I get that. But all the kings horses? What the hell were they trying to do? That’s where you lose me.

Saw the new Indiana Jones movie over the weekend and as you might suspect from the title of this entry, I was not impressed.

Here’s my review:

I’ve seen this before and I liked it better when I was 13.

Not enough, okay here’s some more:

The plot was completely predictable, the one-liners were not funny, and the action scenes were way beyond unrealistic. And why the fuck can’t the bad guys ever get anyone on their side who knows how to fire a gun effectively?

If I was one of the bad guys, Jones would have been dead long before he ever saw the Ark. You need to aim higher you dumb fucks, stop aiming at the ground in front of him.

You know this 80’s song. You love it but you’re afraid to admit it. It’s okay to listen to in a crowd but if you’re by yourself in your car, your windows are rolled up tight. I happened to hear it today in the car with Penny and it got me thinking about one of the lyrics that I’ve never been quite sure of the meaning:

If you judge a book by the cover, then you’d judge the look by the lover

It’s not the first part I don’t get, it’s the second part- “judge the look by the lover.” I’m thinking that it’s supposed to be the other way around- “judge the lover by the look.” That makes sense to me. Looks are generally what attract people to each other at first. It’s not until later that you find out whether or not they’re good in bed. But if they’re good looking, it doesn’t really matter if they’re good in bed, thus, judging the lover by the look. The theory makes sense, the problem is that it doesn’t rhyme with the first part.

So that brings us back to the original phrase- “judge the look by the lover.” Since the phrase is reversed, maybe the meaning is reversed too. If they’re good in bed, it doesn’t matter if they’re good looking or not. The problem here is, if they’re not good looking, then most people aren’t ever going to find out if they’re good in bed, unless they’ve had a lot of alcohol, but then they wouldn’t remember and we’re back to the same problem. 

So after all of that, I’m still just as baffled by this lyric now as I was before I attempted my explanation. If anyone else wants to give it a shot, I’m listening, or reading.

In an attempt to boost sales in the wake of skyrocketing gas prices, many car dealerships are offering some kind of free or discounted gas deal with the purchase of a new car. A dealership in Missouri is now providing a more interesting option, the choice between a $250 gas card or a semi-automatic handgun. It’s true, you can read it right here if you don’t believe me. And what’s even crazier is that so far 80% of those wacky Missourians are taking the handgun.

It may sound crazy but it makes sense to me. If you take the gas card, you’re getting a set amount of free gas, 250 bucks and that’s it. When the gas card is used up, so is your free gas. But if you take the gun and use it correctly, you have a chance to significantly increase the amount of free gas you can acquire, and all kinds of other free stuff. Hey it’s definitely a gamble, but it has the potential for a big payoff. Of course the chances of ending up in prison are much better than the chances of acquiring more than $250 of free stuff, but if you end up in prison then you’ll no longer have to worry about high gas prices. Looks like a win win situation to me.

Part of my duties as a first grade room parent is to provide refreshments after the second grade communion mass. During the mass the priest was talking about children and promises and he said, “do not make a promise to a child that you’re not going to keep.”

I thought to myself, that makes perfect sense. No one likes to break a promise, so if you’re not going to keep the kid then don’t make them any promises, because they may not be around when the time comes for you to keep that promise.

I saw a new Molson commercial yesterday while watching the Sox game. Two guys are sitting at a bar drinking and talking about the beer. The first guy mentions that it’s from Canada. The second guy notes that Canada is really beautiful. The first guy agrees and then notes that they’re good people too.

So according to this commercial all Canadians are good people. Hey, he didn’t say, most of them are good people, he lumped them all together as one group and implied that everyone in the entire country of Canada is a good person, at least that would be my translation of the statement.

I know a few Canadians and I admit that all of the ones I know are good people. I’m also willing to concede the fact that they have a reputation up there as being good people. But we all know that there is no country in the world that consists of entirely good people, so why the fuck would someone put out a commercial that implies this? I know it’s just a commercial and I shouldn’t be annoyed by it, but I am.

BTW, on the off chance that it actually is true and there really are no ass holes in Canada I would consider moving up there, because Lord knows there are plenty of ass holes in this country.

Apparently NBC News ran an edited interview of the president that the White House believes was deceitful. I can’t figure out whether it was or not, you can make you’re own determination if you want to by reading it here, but it’s not important to the point I want to make.

Bush counsel Ed Gillespie, wrote a letter to NBC News President Steve Capus in which he stated, “this deceitful editing to further a media-manufactured storyline is utterly misleading and irresponsible.”

Um, so let me see if I have this straight Mr. Gillespie. It’s not okay for a news outlet to run a single news story that is “utterly misleading and irresponsible”, but it is okay for a U.S. President to run an entire 8 year administration that way?

I confess this is not new, I wrote it a few years ago before I started blogging, but I just thought of it and decided to post it.

What’s the deal with upside down and right side up? If something is right side up and you turn it upside down, then shouldn’t it now be right side down, or wrong side up? Why is the up side the right side? Why can’t the down side be the right side? Maybe there shouldn’t be any “right” side, just a down side and an up side; in which case we should go with upside down. If it’s upside down, should right side up be upside up or downside down? If it’s downside down instead of right side up then upside down should be downside up, right?