Primarily Crap

Today I have decided to examine the word “bitch” and all of it’s many uses. This word may have more distinct uses in the English language then any other word save the F-word. And it’s become so common that it doesn’t even get censored on TV anymore.

The original usage of the word was to describe a female canine, but you almost never hear it used in that context anymore. Well at least not up here in the big city anyway. I’m sure that in some parts of the deep south, the mid-west and Maine there are still plenty of bitches in heat. There does not seem to be a word to describe a male dog though. A male canine is just a male dog, yet a female canine is a bitch. I never quite understood why the female dog had to have a different term used to describe it.

But anyway, from there the word evolved to become a description for a woman who is considered to be spiteful, overbearing, lewd, malicious, unpleasant, selfish, or all or any of the above combinations.

However, if used to describe a man it has the complete opposite meaning. In this case you are inferring that he is weak, contemptible and/or submissive, especially in bed. Although the term seems to have originated in prison, it does not necessarily mean that male bitches can only be dominated by other males, they can also be dominated by females, more specifically, female bitches. So it is possible to have a relationship that consists of both a male and a female bitch.

Of course, if you put a “son of” in front of the word bitch, you are now inferring that a male is an ass hole. Although a female bitch/male bitch relationship would probably work very well, a female bitch/son of a bitch relationship would probably not.

That brings us to the next usage of the word. A female bitch/son of a bitch relationship would probably be difficult and/or unpleasant, or in other words, a bitch. And there would probably be quite a lot of complaining from both sides of this relationship. Of course, another word for complaint would be bitch, so there might be a lot of bitching going on in this bitch of a relationship.

As an adjective in front of the word “slap” it refers to a humiliating defeat or put down. Although it was originally intended to describe an open hand slap of a woman or a male bitch, these days in the right, or wrong circumstances, anyone could find themselves on the other end of a bitch slap.

And of course, if something is really cool or excellent it can also be described as bitchin’.

So there you have it, the many uses of the word “bitch” in all it’s glory.

According to this article, Roger Clemens and many other baseball players were/are using Viagra as a performance enhancing drug.

The article states that, in addition to it’s intended use, Viagra can also help build endurance, especially for athletes who compete at high altitudes, and deliver oxygen, nutrients and performance-enhancing drugs to muscles more efficiently.

Kind of adds a new meaning to the old baseball adage “getting good wood”.

That was one of the headlines on Comcast.net this morning. My first thought was, “It took her long enough, she’s about 30 years behind all of us ’70’s/’80’s era teenage boys. Lynda Carter was one of the first bodies that I ever discovered and she certainly left me in a state of wonder.

It turns out that it wasn’t her body that she discovered, but that’s not really important to this entry.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill collected a large sum of money from the settlement

*

Yeah I know it doesn’t rhyme, but neither does “and Jill came tumbling after”.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

The intercom music stopped playing and then

A voice spoke out, “cleanup in aisle ten”

During my analyses of Humpty Dumpty I was looking at a few of the old nursery rhymes and I realized that they needed some updating for the 21st century. Here’s the first one:

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With pesticides and growth hormones

In incubators all in a row

From this article:

Talking about his family roots and how he’s distantly related to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, the vice president noted that he had Cheneys on both sides of his family.

“And we don’t even live in West Virginia,” Cheney quipped.

This comment drew the ire of both West Virginia Democrats and was quickly denounced by everyone from both parties on Capitol Hill.

I am going to denounce it here as well and follow it up with this statement:

Dick Cheney is such a moron that he can’t even get the joke right. Everyone knows that it’s supposed to be Kentucky, not West Virginia.

Apparently Queen Elizabeth has told Prince William’s girlfriend, Kate Middleton, that if she wants to marry her grandson she is going to have to get herself a job.

Am I missing something here? Isn’t the entire point of marrying a prince is so that you don’t have to get a job?